apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
