You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
im on a boat
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