he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
