Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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