Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
