Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize