I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This house was built for laser tag.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
