Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
