Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
