you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
