In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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