Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
