Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
