Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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