He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
