someone owes me an orgasm
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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