just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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