I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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