I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
