And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
