It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's paint friendship bongs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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