1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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