Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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