He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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