i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
