Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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