I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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