Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
