we have officially lost it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
