well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
