I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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