Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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