I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So here I am, sexting at work.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
