I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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