I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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