I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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