I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
