cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
