is your mom at the bar?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
