so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
