Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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