Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
