Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
