Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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