by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
