goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Randomize
