i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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