i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
