There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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