Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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