In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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