found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
