I'm going to jail i love you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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