What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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