Plan B is the new Plan A
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize