Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
