my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
