Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
