I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
