i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
