Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...

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(708): View more from Illinois

there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(831): View more from California

Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance

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(440): View more from Ohio

no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night

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(958): View more from

her vagina just converted me to Judaism.

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(801): View more from Utah

I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??

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(443): View more from Maryland

Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended

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