You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
