so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
