Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
