i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize