I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
