What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
